Smart Jokes

This post is dedicated to my dad. He will know why.

Business Insider posted a list of "nerdy jokes". Below are the funny ones, but if you need them explained, go here.

A PHOTON IS GOING THROUGH AIRPORT SECURITY. THE TSA AGENT ASKS IF HE HAS ANY LUGGAGE. THE PHOTON SAYS, "NO, I'M TRAVELING LIGHT."

A LOGICIAN'S WIFE IS HAVING A BABY. THE DOCTOR IMMEDIATELY HANDS THE NEWBORN TO THE DAD. THE WIFE SAYS, "IS IT A BOY OR A GIRL?" THE LOGICIAN SAYS, "YES."

HOW CAN YOU TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A CHEMIST AND A PLUMBER? ASK THEM TO PRONOUNCE "UNIONIZED."

HEARD ABOUT THAT NEW BAND CALLED 1023 MB? THEY HAVEN'T HAD ANY GIGS YET.

HEISENBERG WAS SPEEDING DOWN THE HIGHWAY. A COP PULLS HIM OVER AND SAYS, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW FAST YOU WERE GOING BACK THERE?" HEISENBERG SAYS, "NO, BUT I KNEW WHERE I WAS."

FIRST LAW OF THERMODYNAMICS: YOU CAN'T WIN. SECOND LAW OF THERMODYNAMICS: YOU CAN'T BREAK EVEN. THIRD LAW OF THERMODYNAMICS: YOU CAN'T STOP PLAYING.

IF YOU'RE NOT PART OF THE SOLUTION, YOU'RE PART OF THE PRECIPITATE.

A LINGUISTICS PROFESSOR SAYS DURING A LECTURE THAT, "IN ENGLISH, A DOUBLE NEGATIVE FORMS A POSITIVE. BUT IN SOME LANGUAGES, SUCH AS RUSSIAN, A DOUBLE NEGATIVE IS STILL A NEGATIVE. HOWEVER, IN NO LANGUAGE IN THE WORLD CAN A DOUBLE POSITIVE FORM A NEGATIVE." BUT THEN A VOICE FROM THE BACK OF THE ROOM PIPED UP, "YEAH, RIGHT."

"THIS IS THE SORT OF ENGLISH UP WITH WHICH I WILL NOT PUT."

HOW MANY SURREALISTS DOES IT TAKE TO SCREW IN A LIGHT BULB? A FISH.

IS IT SOLIPSISTIC IN HERE, OR IS IT JUST ME?

A ROMAN WALKS INTO A BAR AND ASKS FOR A MARTINUS. "YOU MEAN MARTINI?" THE BARTENDER ASKS. THE ROMAN REPLIES, "SLOW DOWN THERE! I'LL LET YOU KNOW WHEN I WANT MORE."

WHAT DOES A DYSLEXIC, AGNOSTIC, INSOMNIAC DO AT NIGHT? HE STAYS UP WONDERING IF THERE REALLY IS A DOG.